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BDSM is a preference and sometimes form of personal relationship centering around activities that are erotic but may not be sexual, and which may include the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role play.

Practitioners of BDSM vary hugely in their perception of what activities are integral to BDSM, and some borderline activities ( light bondage, hot wax, blindfolds ) may be practiced by people identifying as " vanilla " ( i. e., not into BDSM ) – so inclusion in the community is usually dependent on self-proclaimed identification with the community.

Although there are many people who identify as being into BDSM who don't share the experience with anyone besides play-or sexual partners, " BDSM " is also used to denote a subculture of people interested in BDSM who may socialize together, educate each other, and throw " play parties " at which BDSM activities are welcome.

Local public BDSM communities often have strong ties with distant BDSM communities, with popular educators traveling widely ; large events attracting attendees from wide areas ( and occasionally internationally ); popular speakers, authors, or players gaining relative celebratory status ; and websites attracting over a million members.