Page "The New Statesman" Paragraph 61

# Labour of Love ( January 6, 1991 ) – On the political outs with his own party after the events of " Who Shot Alan B ' Stard?

", Alan is dismayed when Victor Crosby, a man even further to the right than he, wins a by-election in Accrington and quickly becomes the new darling of the party, placed on the fast track for the Cabinet by Sir Greville and awarded Alan's weekly column in the Daily Express.

Apparently deciding to dump the Tories, Alan arranges a meeting with Paddy O ' Rourke, a high-ranking member of the Labour Party, and offers to leak documents damaging enough to the Government to guarantee a Labour victory in the next election in exchange for the post of Foreign Secretary.

Returning to the office he now shares with Crosby, Alan plants a mousetrap in Crosby's desk drawer, then tells him that he should send Margaret Thatcher a Valentine's Day card to see to it that he stays in her good graces.

When Crosby reaches for a pen to sign, his right hand is caught in the trap, and he ends up using his left hand to sign the card ( at Alan's suggestion ) " From Your Newest Recruit ".

Before Crosby leaves, Alan also gives him £ 1, 000 cash to buy a Savile Row suit.

At the next Prime Minister's Questions, Neil Kinnock reveals plans ( stolen by Alan from Sir Greville's red box while he was busy having an assignation with Sarah ) for the Government to abolish the poll tax and replace it with a value added tax on mortgage payments.

After the resulting uproar, Sir Greville arrives at Alan and Crosby's office and reveals that he has come into the possession of the note sent to Kinnock ( signed " From Your Newest Recruit "), and that an expert has identified it as Crosby's handwriting, despite his attempt to disguise it.

When Crosby appeals to Alan to help him, Alan produces a doctored tape of Crosby on the phone with Kinnock accepting a £ 1, 000 bribe for the documents.

Crosby is arrested and expelled from Parliament, Alan is back in Sir Greville's good graces ( although he reveals that he knows of Greville's affair with Sarah and warns him not to do it again ), and he even gets his column in the Daily Express back.

His first item is a call for the re-legalization of slavery, which he stole from Crosby.