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I Hate Dogs
by Joel R. Voss aka. Javantea
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April 19, 2006 22:23 JST
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You might think I'm a bad person for hating dogs, but I can't do anything about that. I'm a bad person, so fucking what. Man, I'm in a bad, bad mood.

Absolutely nothing to do with Tokyo, my dislike for dogs reaches a new height today. I hate their obsessive biting, jumping, idiocy, socialness, and lack of bathroom manners. Bathroom manners is the topic of tonight's blog about how much I hate dogs.

Let's reverse, though. I am a shy person. Writing this blog is about as much courage I have. In fact, I am a bit embarrassed even to write this. It's a bit edgy. Posting it will be a test to see if I really am willing to trust the distance between writer and reader on the internet. Talking to people in person has been a major point of dissatisfaction for me because it seems like I should be able to make friends in Tokyo, Seattle, or wherever I am. The truth is that I only make friends and acquantiances with people who talk to me rather than visa versa. In my two weeks here in Tokyo, I have met 1 person. I have talked to about 3. Really a person who is not socially inept should have 1 or 2 friends.

So to break that trend, I decide that it's high time to go to a bar and look for people to meet. I've been putting it off each night saying, tonight's not a good night, tomorrow will be better. Tonight is not the best night, but what the hell. If I find a cool place, I might not have to drink alcohol to meet people. And if it's a really cool place, I won't have to meet people to have fun. So I start my journey headed to a place that I have seen the last few days. The sign says Asakusa 24 and has musical notes on it. No matter what it is, it should be interesting, right?

I see two people enter, they are big men and they seem to be pretty happy. I look in the door and I see they are taking their shoes off. That's a bad sign. There's no information whatsoever on what is going on there. I freak out and leave. Confused, but not shattered, I walk a block. There's a bar and another snack place. I believe that snack is an ok place. I'm not particularly interested in either, so I keep walking. 20 paces and I step in a pile of dog crap.

糞 [くそ] kuso /(int,n) (col) feces/excrement/shit/bullshit/
You hear this in anime and it is usually translated "Damn!". Damn is right, but shit has a double meaning here.

You weren't expecting to see that coming, were you? Of course you were, the whole first two paragraphs lead up to it. I wipe my foot on the ground a few times. It's no used, my shoe is totally fucked. I might as well buy some new shoes because this shoe now is forever marked by unmistakable, totally revolting dog crap. There's no way I can go into a bar. Not even the worst soba place in the world would let me step foot in the door. Not even my own house if they knew about it would let me put my shoes in the front door with that smell. What the fuck can I do? I try water, I try toilet paper, I try gravel, I can't find any grass to try on. I leave my shoe outside hoping that no one throws it away. I won't be able to eat out tomorrow until I either fix my shoes or buy a new pair of shoes. Even now after washing my hands, I still can smell dog shit.

The anime convention had a panel on dating. They said that a person should be calm, act natural, just say hi, talk about anime in a very relaxed tone, all that common sense jazz. The main thing, though is: hygene! Brush your teeth, take showers, wear deoderant. It's the only thing girls seem to care about at all, besides yaoi which is a whole nother topic. So from time to time, I try to take that advise. I'm pretty aloof, but I know when to be self-conscious. The idea of the smell of dog shit anywhere around me makes me ill. Certainly no amount of bad hygene can compare to dog shit smell.

Whoever let their dog crap on the sidewalk without picking it up should be fucking shot.

Inu ga dai kirai desu!
is the kanji for dog. If you're an anime fan, it's pretty easy to remember because "Inu Yasha dai suki" looks like this 夜叉 大好き.

And now for the reasoned explanation. Everyone says how Tokyo is so clean, so well kept. Every store owner sweeps their sidewalk. The subway is always perfect. No amount of sidewalk sweeping saved me from dogs and their idiot owners. Just imagine the store owner who sees a flat pile of dog crap and five or so splats afterwards. A tear rolls down the store owner's cheek. They'll put their precious brooms into the burnable trash after cleaning up that one, I bet.

Update: It took me 2 hours to get the dog crap off my shoe. I survived though. I went to a sweet rave and made a bunch of friends. See, happy ending.

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