In 2002, psychologist Richard Wiseman and colleagues at the University of Hertfordshire, UK, finished a year-long LaughLab experiment, concluding that of all animals, ducks attract the most humor and silliness ; he said, " If you're going to tell a joke involving an animal, make it a duck.

Hicks's stand-up routine was removed from the show allegedly because Letterman and his producer were nervous about a religious joke (" If Jesus came back he might not want to see so many crosses ").

Berlioz's joke " If the Emperor of Russia wants me, then I am up for sale " was taken seriously.

He was asked to put it in writing, which he did, in English, while making the joke: ' If your guns are not better pointed than your pens, then you will make little impression on Copenhagen '.

If a joke fell flat, he'd gesture accordingly ( and sometimes a cow's moo would be played in the background as to not let him continue ); if a studio crewmember ( the stage crew were unofficial participants of the show ) would make a flat joke, he would expel them from the studio in mock anger.

If a team earns three points without missing a single question, they have the option of going for the " Mother Lode " by answering two more questions correctly without missing one, or else a fictitious penalty is put upon them ( usually made up on the spot by Packard and related to a joke from earlier in the show ).

With the financial difficulties that later plagued Leloir's laboratories and research, he would joke, " If I had patented that sauce, we'd have a lot more money for research right now.

The joke has been adapted on the Internet with a number of pages saying " If you'd like to know how to keep an idiot busy for hours, click here.

If the need recurs ( or the joke is widely enjoyed ), nonce words easily enter regular use just because their meaning is obvious.

( If the listener laughs here, anticipating a racist joke, it is customary to reprimand them, saying things like, " Why did you laugh?

If his Act 1 material could be played as a joke, there's no doubt about the intentional viciousness of his attacks on Helena.

If the owners are caught peeking at the construction, they are " penalized " by Watson in the form of a practical joke.

" ( 189 ) When Charley refuses to urinate on the trees ( a " salute " for a dog, as Steinbeck remarks ), Steinbeck opines: "' If I thought he did it out of spite or to make a joke ,' I said to myself, ' I'd kill him out of hand.

If these meanings are not distinguished, the result may be the following categorical syllogism, which may be seen as a joke ( pun ):

" After Greenspan retired from the Federal Reserve, McCain later made the same joke that he would appoint him to a commission to review the tax code even if he were dead: " If he's dead, just prop him up and put some dark glasses on him like, like ' Weekend at Bernie's.

During the campaign, Williams publicly made a joke likening rape to bad weather, having quipped: " If it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it ".

If Karen is depressed Smitty will tell her a tragic story about his own life, which she will laugh at thinking it is a joke.

At its peak, Watson's hotel employed English waitresses in its restaurant and ballroom, inspiring a common joke at the time: " If only Watson had imported the English weather as well.

" This is a reference to an advertising slogan of the ABC school of drawing and painting, " Si vous savez écrire, vous savez dessiner " (" If you can write, you can draw "), a joke about the graphical nature of Egyptian hieroglyphs.

When the Joker arrives, however, he is infuriated that Harley would try to kill Batman herself ; Harley explains her plan to him, but the Joker only gets angrier, roaring, " If you have to explain a joke, there is no joke!

If “ meme ” is chosen properly we remember the good, joke or song and would share it.

If she did, he could stand it better in the light.

If she sensed any unusual preoccupation on the part of her mother, she did not comment upon it.

If I hadn't got Nate stopped when I did, my duds'd all be shot plumb to hell!!

If the other pilots were worried, they did not show it.

If you tell him I made a pass at you he might think you misunderstood something I said or did, so instead of just telling him I made a pass, say I tried to date you and that you agreed so you could prove to him what a louse I really am.

If it were not that I knew who it was I could have mistaken it for my Aunt so well did her clothes fit him.

If life and death did not both present themselves to us, there would be no inscrutability.

If they do as well as they did in 1960 there can be no complaint.

If, in the trustee's judgment, `` reasonable market conditions '' did not prevail during any given year, he was to be allowed to petition the court for an extension of time within the ten-year period.

If one assumes that the average flux did not change between measurements, a mass-distribution curve is obtained which relates the flux of particles larger than a given radius to the inverse 7/2 power of the radius.

If the bottom name in each column did not have a responsible executive identified, the next name above which identified such a responsible executive was substituted.

If we did not mean to say this, why should we be so relieved on finding that the suffering had not occurred??

If so, are you saying, `` Where did the last few years go??

If not, he was willing to accede to William's wishes in any way that did not block his ultimate aim.

If Bridget did get any bundles of cash, the last person who would have rewarded her for services rendered would have been Lizzie Borden.

If that's all the Romans did, it's a surprise to me that Rome fell.

If laying ties on a railroad track, which he once did for $1 an hour, paid more than playing right field for the Yankees, Maris would lay ties on a railroad track.

If working in a zinc mine, which he once did for 87-1/2 cents an hour, paid more than playing center field for the Yankees, Mantle would work in a zinc mine.

If this is true, then the universe today looks just as it did millions of years ago and as it will look millions of years hence, even though the universe is expanding.

a Portago could say, as he did say to me, `` If I die tomorrow, still I have had twenty-eight wonderful years ; ;

If he died before she did, she would never be unable to resist opening it.

If he ever did such a thing again she'd die of shame.

If the authorities remarked on her curious avocation, they did so among themselves.

If a defendant has been convicted and can prove that his lawyer did not adequately handle his case and that there is a reasonable probability that the result of the trial would have been different had the lawyer given competent representation, he is entitled to a new trial.

If that did not work, then Abd al-Rahman would have to be killed.