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Page "Coupled cluster" ¶ 52
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I and myself
As I dug in behind one of the bales we were using as protection, I grudgingly found myself agreeing with Oso's logic, especially when I imagined what would have happened to Missy if Old Knife's large party of screeching warriors had overrun our company.
Still, I was disgusted with myself for agreeing with Montero's methods.
Having nothing else to do except wait for my forms to be processed, I gave myself over to speculations concerning the hall itself.
I had for some time been hoping, in vain, for one of the dim figures to pass between the fan vents and myself.
I wished to prepare myself but did not even know what sort of clothes I ought to be wearing.
For weeks I wandered about this neighborhood of warehouses and garages, truck terminals and taxi repair shops, gasoline pumps and longshoremen's lunch counters, yet never did I cease to feel myself a stranger there.
If I could make myself feel the same way
I myself was fond of him but what a young woman half his age saw in him was a mystery to me.
Time's editor, Thomas Griffith, in his book, The Waist-High Culture, wrote: `` most of what was different about it ( the Deep South ) I found myself unsympathetic to.
The design is determined emotionally: `` I must reach into myself for the spring that will send me catapulting recklessly into the chaos of event with which the dance confronts me ''.
But I would never have thought of it myself ''.
Once, then -- for how many years or how few does not matter -- my world was bound round by fences, when I was too small to reach the apple tree bough, to twist my knee over it and pull myself up.
A dear, respected friend of mine, who like myself grew up in the South and has spent many years in New England, said to me not long ago: `` I can't forgive New England for rejecting all complicity ''.
Also, I am convinced that if my company were a sole proprietorship instead of a partnership, I would have been even abler to solve long-range problems for myself and my fellow-employees.
I had read the story many times without asking myself why it affected me or caring why it did.
Later Helion wrote of this phase: `` For years I built for myself a subtle instrument of relationships -- colors and forms without a name.
`` I arrived in the United States with the idea of establishing myself there more or less permanently and finding inspiration for new compositions ''.
Here Wright gave a slight sigh of weariness, and continued, `` It means more long years lived across the social grain of the life of our people, making shift to live in the face of popular disrespect and misunderstanding as I best can for myself and those dependent upon me ''.
Although his tender nights were not the ones I dreamed of, nor was it for yachts, sports cars, tall drinks, and swimming pools, nor yet for money or what money buys that I burned, I too was burning and watching myself burn.

I and at
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Gray Eyes rushing at me with a knife.
Next to him was a young boy I was sure had sat near me at one of the trading sessions.
I was nearly thirty at the time.
I would turn away from my writing in the hope of getting a good look at them but I never quite succeeded.
They, and the two large fans which I could dimly see as daylight filtered through their vents, down at the far end of the hall, could be turned on by a master switch situated inside the office.
By counting the number of stalls and urinals I attempted to form a loose estimate of how many men the hall would hold at one time.
I could observe the two fans down at the end, but their size in themselves meant nothing to me as long as I had no measure of comparison.
No sooner would I turn my head away from the counter before he would address me, at times quite sharply, in order to bring back my attention.
I felt strongly attached to the hall, however, and hardly a day passed when I did not go to look at it from a distance.
My future lay solely with the hall, yet what did I know about the hall at this point??
I was at once disappointed, although just what I had expected him to look like I could not have explained.
What sort of men I would come into contact with, at the hall??
This desire, I went on, growing voluble as my conviction was aroused, had mounted at such a rate recently that I now found its realization necessary not only to my physical but also to my spiritual wellbeing.
I would have foregone my romantic chances rather than leave a friend sweltering and dusty and -- Well, at least I wouldn't have shouted back a taunt.
I was again in motion and at a speed which belied the truck's similarity to Senor X's Ford turtle.
At once my ears were drowned by a flow of what I took to be Spanish, but -- the driver's white teeth flashing at me, the road wildly veering beyond his glistening hair, beyond his gesticulating bottle -- it could have been the purest Oxford English I was half hearing ; ;

I and time
No one was behind it, but in the rear wall of the office I noticed, for the first time, a door which had been left partially open.
`` I seen a lot o' things in my time.
I found a trooper once the Apache had spread-eagled on an ant hill, and another time we ran across some teamsters they'd caught, tied upside down on their own wagon wheels over little fires until their brains was exploded right out o' their skulls.
I seized the rack and made a western-style flying-mount just in time, one of my knees mercifully landing on my duffel bag -- and merely wrecking my camera, I was to discover later -- my other knee landing on the slivery truck floor boards and -- but this is no medical report.
Just as I got to my knees, there was again the sound of the fence stretching, and I had time only to start taking my kneeling posture seriously.
I bobbed my head each time it appeared.
with more time I could have loosened a small burr or cotter pin --
`` No, I remembered reading about you in the papers and that you lived here, and when it happened all I could think of was '' -- This time she stopped the rush of words herself.
The rest of the time I devoted to painting or to those other activities a young and healthy man just out of college finds interesting.
When my Uncle offered me a part-time job which would take care of my normal expenses and give me time to paint I accepted.
My new Aunt was perhaps three or four years older than I and it had been a long time since I had seen as gorgeous a woman who oozed sex.
I was aware of a humid look in her eyes that told me the time was opportune.
`` Nope, just you, all the time -- sometimes I think it's the only way I'll ever get a decent partner ''.
`` I realize that this is hardly the time to say it, Penny '', said Keith.
I don't get it why this time I should pull such a stupid trick ''.

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