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I and myself
As I dug in behind one of the bales we were using as protection, I grudgingly found myself agreeing with Oso's logic, especially when I imagined what would have happened to Missy if Old Knife's large party of screeching warriors had overrun our company.
Still, I was disgusted with myself for agreeing with Montero's methods.
Having nothing else to do except wait for my forms to be processed, I gave myself over to speculations concerning the hall itself.
I had for some time been hoping, in vain, for one of the dim figures to pass between the fan vents and myself.
I wished to prepare myself but did not even know what sort of clothes I ought to be wearing.
For weeks I wandered about this neighborhood of warehouses and garages, truck terminals and taxi repair shops, gasoline pumps and longshoremen's lunch counters, yet never did I cease to feel myself a stranger there.
If I could make myself feel the same way
I myself was fond of him but what a young woman half his age saw in him was a mystery to me.
Time's editor, Thomas Griffith, in his book, The Waist-High Culture, wrote: `` most of what was different about it ( the Deep South ) I found myself unsympathetic to.
The design is determined emotionally: `` I must reach into myself for the spring that will send me catapulting recklessly into the chaos of event with which the dance confronts me ''.
But I would never have thought of it myself ''.
Once, then -- for how many years or how few does not matter -- my world was bound round by fences, when I was too small to reach the apple tree bough, to twist my knee over it and pull myself up.
A dear, respected friend of mine, who like myself grew up in the South and has spent many years in New England, said to me not long ago: `` I can't forgive New England for rejecting all complicity ''.
Also, I am convinced that if my company were a sole proprietorship instead of a partnership, I would have been even abler to solve long-range problems for myself and my fellow-employees.
I had read the story many times without asking myself why it affected me or caring why it did.
Later Helion wrote of this phase: `` For years I built for myself a subtle instrument of relationships -- colors and forms without a name.
`` I arrived in the United States with the idea of establishing myself there more or less permanently and finding inspiration for new compositions ''.
Here Wright gave a slight sigh of weariness, and continued, `` It means more long years lived across the social grain of the life of our people, making shift to live in the face of popular disrespect and misunderstanding as I best can for myself and those dependent upon me ''.
Although his tender nights were not the ones I dreamed of, nor was it for yachts, sports cars, tall drinks, and swimming pools, nor yet for money or what money buys that I burned, I too was burning and watching myself burn.

I and was
`` That was a terrible thing to do '', I said to Oso.
`` But that was war '', I said.
In the brief moment I had to talk to them before I took my post on the ring of defenses, I indicated I was sickened by the methods men employed to live and trade on the river.
Next to him was a young boy I was sure had sat near me at one of the trading sessions.
Now under me I could see him for what he really was, a boy dressed up in streaks of paint.
Such was my state of mind that I did not question the possibility of this ; ;
under the circumstances I was only too willing to confess all.
I was nearly thirty at the time.
It was dark and, I sensed, very large ; ;
Sometimes I was aware of people moving about in the darkness.
This impressed me, until I realized how limited was his sphere of influence.
I felt certain he was really a spineless little man.
Once, pressing him, I learned that his job was only part-time, in the afternoons when nothing went on in the hall.
In the mornings, I was informed, fluorescent tubes, similar to the one above the counter, illuminated the entire hall.
I was shown, instead, a batch of white tickets of the sort handed out, he told me, every morning.
Now, here was something of obvious importance to me, yet when I reached for the tickets he snatched them away from my hand.
It was, I felt, possible that they were men who, having received no tickets for that day, had remained in the hall, to sleep perhaps, in the corners farthest removed from the counter with its overhead light.
I felt certain it was self-appointed.
I decided to see no more of the clerk until the processing of my papers was completed.
I was constantly searching for clues around the neighborhood of the hall.

I and one
When one of the men in the hall behind us spat on the floor and scraped his boot over the gob of spittle I noticed how the clerk winced.
By counting the number of stalls and urinals I attempted to form a loose estimate of how many men the hall would hold at one time.
No one was behind it, but in the rear wall of the office I noticed, for the first time, a door which had been left partially open.
Don't like to bother no one unless we have to, which I figger we do, in your case.
But there's one thing I never seen or heard of, one thing I just don't think there is, and that's a sportin' way o' killin' a man ''!!
Adios '', I said, exhausting my Spanish vocabulary on my host and exchanging one of a scarcely-tapped store of smiles with my host's daughters.
I seized the rack and made a western-style flying-mount just in time, one of my knees mercifully landing on my duffel bag -- and merely wrecking my camera, I was to discover later -- my other knee landing on the slivery truck floor boards and -- but this is no medical report.
Seeming much relieved, she smiled one of those worth-waiting-for smiles, and I smiled all the way into the bedroom.
I worked for my Uncle ( an Uncle by marriage so you will not think this has a mild undercurrent of incest ) who ran one of those antique shops in New Orleans' Vieux Carre, the old French Quarter.
I dismissed these feelings as wishful thinking but I could not get it out of my head that we had a strong physical attraction for one another and we both feared to dwell on it because of our relationship.
I don't even remember who wrote it but it was one of those 15th or 16th century poets.
I felt that he looked at me coldly and appraisingly and seemed to be uncertain what his attitude towards me should be, but he did not say one word which might indicate that he had been told of advances to his wife.
Of course, males play a role there, but believe me when I say you wouldn't enjoy yourself one bit on Eromonga.
I clapped the big man with the bleached hair on his shoulder and said heartily, hoping it would make an impression on the women: `` This one is the maku Frayne.

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