`` That was a terrible thing to do '', I said to Oso.

`` But that was war '', I said.

Still, I was disgusted with myself for agreeing with Montero's methods.

In the brief moment I had to talk to them before I took my post on the ring of defenses, I indicated I was sickened by the methods men employed to live and trade on the river.

Next to him was a young boy I was sure had sat near me at one of the trading sessions.

Now under me I could see him for what he really was, a boy dressed up in streaks of paint.

Such was my state of mind that I did not question the possibility of this ; ;

under the circumstances I was only too willing to confess all.

I was nearly thirty at the time.

It was dark and, I sensed, very large ; ;

Sometimes I was aware of people moving about in the darkness.

This impressed me, until I realized how limited was his sphere of influence.

I felt certain he was really a spineless little man.

Once, pressing him, I learned that his job was only part-time, in the afternoons when nothing went on in the hall.

In the mornings, I was informed, fluorescent tubes, similar to the one above the counter, illuminated the entire hall.

I was shown, instead, a batch of white tickets of the sort handed out, he told me, every morning.

Now, here was something of obvious importance to me, yet when I reached for the tickets he snatched them away from my hand.

It was, I felt, possible that they were men who, having received no tickets for that day, had remained in the hall, to sleep perhaps, in the corners farthest removed from the counter with its overhead light.

I felt certain it was self-appointed.

I decided to see no more of the clerk until the processing of my papers was completed.

I was constantly searching for clues around the neighborhood of the hall.

This desire, I went on, growing voluble as my conviction was aroused, had mounted at such a rate recently that I now found its realization necessary not only to my physical but also to my spiritual wellbeing.

I think that we are here also talking of the kind of fear that a young boy has for a group of boys who are approaching at night along the streets of a large city.

And if I have gone into so much detail about so small a work, that is because it is also so typical a work, representing the germinal form of a conflict which remains essential in Mann's writing: the crude sketch of Piepsam contains, in its critical, destructive and self-destructive tendencies, much that is enlarged and illuminated in the figures of, for instance, Naphta and Leverkuhn.

Our Northern brethren also I believe felt a little tender under those censures ; ;

Helion, however, clung to the belief that `` in escaping from the Stalag I had also escaped from Abstraction ''.

Mr. Burlingham, -- `` C.C.B. '' -- wrote to me once about an old friend of mine, S. K. Ratcliffe, whom I had first met in London in 1914 and who also came out for a week-end in Weston.

Of course I hope Hal can also, but those hopes are much more faint ''.

But I will also remind them that I have always been inclined to skepticism, to a kind of Laodicean lack of commitment so far as public affairs are concerned ; ;

Without really changing the general subject, I take this opportunity to confess that I am troubled by doubts, not only about pacifism, but also when asked to join in the protest against a law that most of those who consider themselves humane and liberal seem to regard as obviously barbarous ; ;

I also had and have feelings about Garibaldi.

but I am also a young, able and willing girl who wants to study the Chinese language but is not old enough.

But I questioned, also, professional soldiers, who would not easily be hypnotized by a septuagenarian's dreamy irredentism.

But it seems that pressures against him are coming from somewhere -- in the first place from China, but perhaps also from that `` China Lobby '' which, I was assured in Moscow nearly two years ago, exists on the quiet inside the party.

I will also be underpaid.

I have done all this for the freedom of the individuals concerned and also for the states which have been threatened by Communist domination.

It also happened with the Inauguration, which was not re-run at all during the evening hours, and I wrote to the TV editor of the Times.

I know that I myself felt that it was a mortal shame for a man to be torn open by a British musket ball, as Isaac had been, yet I also felt relieved and lucky that it had been him and not myself.

I am also pleased to note that Mr. John B. Oakes, a member of the Times staff since 1946, has been appointed as editorial page editor.

I think we need to concern ourselves also with the timeliness of action.

I also hope that we can do something about reducing the infant mortality rate of ideas -- an affliction of all bureaucracies.